


If I Could Choose

by Anonymous



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Feels, Ballroom Dancing, F/M, M/M, Pining, Romance, unfulfilled longing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:00:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26226061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Noctis is in love with Luna, but she's engaged to his older brother Ardyn. On the evening of the royal ball, Noctis is determined to share his feelings despite the impossibility of their romance.
Relationships: Gladiolus Amicitia/Ignis Scientia, Lunafreya Nox Fleuret/Noctis Lucis Caelum
Comments: 4
Kudos: 13
Collections: Anonymous





	If I Could Choose

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this at the beginning of the year before I had as much experience writing (all I’ve done during quarantine is write), so it’s not quite up to the standards I have now. Regardless, I decided I liked it enough to publish it with the hopes that there might be someone else out there who enjoys it! 💛

The first time he’d met Luna, they were children. Even though it had been 10 years since he last saw her face, Noctis still vividly remembered every detail. It had been one of the happiest weeks of his life.

She had traveled to Insomnia with her family to become acquainted with her future betrothed, Noctis’s older brother Ardyn, who was next in line for the throne. It had been ordained that he would marry Princess Lunafreya Nox Fleuret of Tenebrae since her birth.

At the age of 18, Ardyn was ten years her senior, and he hadn’t bothered to make a good first impression, appearing primarily concerned with scolding and belittling her in a way that was so outwardly polite that most didn’t notice the hidden derision behind his words, but Luna, being extremely sensitive, always did. 

Whenever things with Ardyn got particularly difficult, Luna would escape to Noctis’s room where they would create elaborate forts out of pillows and blankets and whisk themselves away to their own private world.

When Ardyn inevitably arrived to lecture them for being childish, Noctis would happily give his brother a piece of his mind. For her part, Luna would appear contrite and ashamed, but Noctis could always make her smile again with a well-practiced and outlandish impression of his older brother.

It had been easy enough to make fun of Ardyn when they were children, but now Noctis feared what his brother would do when he became king. As good as he was at convincing their father otherwise, Ardyn didn’t care about anyone but himself.

Luna, on the other hand, cared about everyone _too_ much and placed everyone’s wishes above her own. She felt honor-bound to do her duty, which included marrying his narcissistic brother. Of course, Noctis always fantasized she’d tell everyone to shove it and run away with him instead.

As improbable as he knew it was, he still maintained hope that he could convince her to do so tonight, when she finally returned to Insomnia for the annual royal ball.

It was a particularly magnificent fall day in October. The grand ballroom was vast and wondrous with impressively tall ceilings. One end was entirely open with high pillars leading to a balcony that overlooked the entire city.

Noctis had felt the excitement in the air for weeks as preparations took place. Long rows of tables were artfully adorned in orange, red, and yellow foliage creating the impression of a bountiful, autumnal forest. As the guests arrived at sunset, it all looked so brilliant and promising, Noctis felt a hopeful warmth spreading in his chest as he waited to see Luna again. 

She walked into the room like a goddess, clothed all in white. Her very aura was entrancing and addictive, and it wasn’t only Noctis whose eyes were immediately fixed on her. She was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen, and he could barely stand the wait to speak to her as she glided across the room, shaking hands and charming everybody with her generous smile. 

He felt Ardyn’s presence beside him. “Now, now, Noctis. You _do_ know that’s _my_ betrothed, do you not?”

His arrogant smirk changed into a phony smile as he redirected his attention before Noctis could give him a good, hard shove. “Well, if it isn’t my _dear_ Luna!” Ardyn exclaimed.

“Hello Ardyn,” she smiled, glancing covertly at Noctis. When Ardyn theatrically kneeled to kiss her hand, Noctis wanted to puke.

Although Luna’s pleasant demeanor was unshakable, this was exactly the kind of over-the-top flattery that they both would’ve laughed about ten years ago, and which Luna had indirectly referenced more than once in the letters they’d been exchanging since childhood. 

He _hated_ that she had to pander to Ardyn, let alone marry him.

Ardyn tried to take her away without a word of acknowledgment to Noctis, but as Ardyn placed a hand on the small of her back, she turned and offered a warm smile to Noctis anyway.

Her gaze lasted a few sweet seconds before Ardyn commanded her attention, and Ardyn even had the gall to smirk back at Noctis as he linked her arm with his. It was obvious he was trying to show Noctis that he was winning the battle, but after the way she’d looked at him, Noctis wasn’t at all convinced he had.

He barely took his eyes off of her for the rest of the evening. He waited as patiently as he could until the moment Luna would dance with him. It was customary for the royal family to begin the evening festivities by opening the dance floor with their esteemed guests. His father would take the first dance, Ardyn the next, and Noctis the last. Noctis usually didn’t have much interest or use for dancing, but he’d dedicated a lot of time practicing for this. 

If he was being honest, it was _Ignis_ who had put in the time, dutifully subbing in as Noctis’s female partner during their dance lessons and calmly allowing Noctis to step on his toes for weeks. 

Noctis looked around the room for his advisor. He was sure Ignis would be keeping an eye on him, even as he worked the room, chatting up every lord and lady in sight. 

Noctis was often envious of the way Ignis handled life among royalty so effortlessly while Noctis always got chided for being antisocial and aloof, not nearly as charming as his older brother.

Noctis spotted Ignis leaning against a tall, open doorway that led to a private balcony. 

“What’s up, Iggy?”

“Just admiring the spectacle, much like you’re admiring the princess,” he smirked.

“Ughhh don’t tease me, Ig. I can’t help it. I mean, even you have to admit she’s beautiful.”

“I’m not in the habit of commenting on ladies’ appearances, but yes, I’ll admit she has a glow about her. But that’s not your concern, Noct.” Ignis had said different versions of the same thing about a thousand times, even though he knew Noctis was way too stubborn to heed his warnings.

Ignis cared about rules way too much in Noctis’s opinion, but at least he cared about Noctis too, much more than his father or brother did. It wasn’t like Iggy was actually going to _do_ anything to stop him anyway. Still, it was nice of him to try. 

“Are you going to dance tonight, Iggy?” Noctis asked.

“You know very well it wouldn’t be proper, Noct.”

Noctis rolled his eyes. “You know dad has said like a million times you’re part of the family. Plus, you know Gladio and Prompto _always_ dance at these, and technically they’re below you in rank.”

“Where are those two anyway?”

“Honestly? Haven’t even noticed.”

“Too busy staring at Ardyn’s betrothed?”

“Don’t remind me, Ig.”

“You need reminding.”

“But don’t you think I’m a better fit for her? Ardyn just wants her to be a pawn in his political games instead of the Oracle she was destined to be. I would never force her to compromise. I’d want her to do whatever she wants, just like I’m gonna do whatever I want.”

Ignis’s exasperated sigh said it all.

“Sorry I’m such a bad prince,” he confessed with an apologetic grin. Ignis caved instantly and returned a begrudging half-smile.

“You can have your one dance with her, and that’s it.”

“Just one?”

“Don’t push it, Noct.”

“Thanks again for the dancing lessons.”

“Before you go… I’d just like to mention—and I’ll only say it once—in an ideal world, you _are_ a better match for her than Ardyn, but we don’t live in an ideal world.”

“Thanks for your blessing,” Noctis teased as he took his place at the dinner table. 

He sat across from Luna and Ardyn, and his dad had to continually step on his foot under the table as punishment for attempting to steal Luna’s attention from his older brother. It wasn’t difficult—she seemed to welcome the interruption, especially when Ardyn insisted on droning on about laborious subjects of little importance.

As dinner concluded and the orchestra began to warm up, Prompto and Gladio made their first appearance, regaling him with their most biting and hilarious observations regarding the foreign royalty they’d been forced to interact with over the course of the evening.

Noctis was relieved to see them, because as his father welcomed Luna for the first dance, he thought his nerves may get the best of him. For the first time, he considered what he’d do if she said no to his request to meet him at midnight. That would be the end of it. This was his last chance. 

“What’s wrong, dude?” Prompto asked, throwing an arm around him.

“It’s almost time for my dance with Luna.”

“Still have a crush on her after all this time, huh?”

He nodded.

“Well, you’d better be careful, Noct,” Gladio chided.

“Ugh you sound just like Iggy. Can’t I have _anything_ I want?”

“Like this palace isn’t enough for you?” Gladio complained as he gestured around the room.

“Enough, Gladio,” Ignis scolded as he joined them.

“Fine,” Gladio sighed. Ignis was pretty much the only person Noctis’s shield listened to, and Noctis was thankful Ignis was on his side for this round. Things were always worst for Noctis on the rare occasions when Ignis and Gladio actually agreed on something.

It was Ardyn’s turn to dance now, and he was, admittedly, a graceful and talented dancer. _He tries hard at any activity that allows him to show off_ , Noctis seethed. He despised how close Ardyn held Luna, probably just to spite him, and when he kissed her cheek as the dance ended, he was fuming.

He heard Ignis’s voice at his ear, “Easy now, Noct. Just like we practiced. I give you permission to sweep her off her feet this one time, but _only_ with your dancing. Understood?”

“Yes,” Noctis groaned, inciting a stern look from Gladio. Prompto was already hitting on some duke’s daughter nearby. He envied Prompto’s ability to flirt with whoever he wanted without everyone making such a fuss over it.

Now it was time for his dance. He looked meaningfully at Iggy who fixed his hair for him and straightened his jacket before taking a step back with an encouraging smile.

Noctis turned to the dance floor with one last look behind him to find Ignis laughing as Gladio whispered something in his ear. It made him happy to see the two of them together and gave him the courage he needed.

Still, he felt his stomach flutter as he approached Luna. She was radiant and looked as happy to see him as he was her. As he took her in his arms, he realized what a relief it was to have a reason to touch her when they’d been forced to be so reserved all evening.

“I can’t tell you how good it is to see you again,” she beamed.

“You too. You’ve changed a lot since we were kids.”

“Not too much, I hope?”

“No, I just mean the way you look. You’re incredibly beautiful.” He was happy to see her blush in response.

“You look good too, Noct.”

“Calling me Noct again?”

“Isn’t that what I used to call you? Everyone still calls me Luna because of you.”

“It’s just that everything is so formal now compared to when we were kids.”

“Well, we have to keep up appearances, don’t we?” she observed, frowning for the first time since they’d started dancing.

“Not yet,” he insisted, but it seemed to have no effect. Somehow he’d burst the happy illusion they’d been enjoying. It took all his concentration just to stay in step with the music as he examined her forlorn expression.

“Noct, you _know_ I have to marry Ardyn,” she said softly.

“You don’t _have_ to do anything. They’re all just stupid rules, Luna. You should marry someone who’ll make you happy.”

“Like you?”

Hearing her say it so directly sparked hope.

“Have you thought about marrying me?”

“More than I’d care to admit.”

This was his chance.

“Luna, I’ll be outside your room tonight at midnight. All you have to do is come out and meet me. I know a place we can talk alone. Just give me one night, please?” he pleaded.

“You know I can’t, Noctis.”

“I’ll be there anyway, in case you change you mind,” he insisted, feeling disappointment and panic set in as the waltz ended. He gave her one last imploring look before taking the customary final bow and stood there helplessly staring at her until she was whisked away for the next dance.

Noctis returned to Gladio and Ignis defeated.

“Sorry, Noct. I know it can’t be easy for ya,” Gladio said, patting him on the back.

Ignis stood in front of Noctis and looked him in the eye, “You danced beautifully. You were even better than when we practiced. You should be proud.”

“Wait a minute. The two of you were practicing together? I like that mental image,” Gladio smiled. “Iggy, does this mean you’ll finally dance with me tonight?” He tried to sound lighthearted, but Noctis knew he was entirely earnest. 

“Apologies, Gladio, but I sincerely doubt anyone would approve of us dancing,” Ignis replied. 

“I wouldn’t mind it,” Noctis mumbled before causally scratching the back of his head and averting his gaze. This was Noctis’s least favorite part of the ball every year. He knew Ignis had a thing for Gladio, even if he would never admit it. He’d had a crush on him since they were kids, but he always insisted he didn’t whenever Noctis forced the subject.

The truth of the matter was, Ignis played by all the rules, and homosexuality was still illegal in their kingdom. Even so, Gladio seemed to get away with doing whatever he wanted, including dancing with other men (though he was usually tactful enough to wait until the wine table had been significantly ravaged before doing so). It was technically grounds for dismissal from the Crownsguard, but the king respected and adored Gladio and his family, and Gladio was far too good at his job for anyone to complain.

Besides, they wouldn’t be the only same-sex couple. Noctis spotted two foreign princesses being very intimate, and no one seemed to mind.

The times were changing, but Ignis wasn’t, and every year it became harder for Noctis to hold his tongue as Ignis shut Gladio down over and over again. Even if the two of them could never truly be together, one dance seemed harmless enough.

“I should retire soon anyway,” Ignis insisted. “You’ll watch over him?”

“Of course,” Gladio responded, hiding his disappointment with a thin-lipped smile.

“Sorry, dude,” Noctis sighed after Ignis walked away.

“Eh, it’s alright. Should be used to it by now,” he sighed, “I’ll find some hot duke to dance with later.”

“That’s the spirit,” Noctis encouraged, taking another glance at Luna as she glided across the dance floor, smiling in the arms of someone Noctis didn’t recognize.

Noctis stayed until the very end of the ball. After all the guests had departed, he spent an agonizing hour pacing back and forth in his room until the time came to meet her.

Now he was waiting outside her door, keeping an eye and ear out for the slightest sign of life in the quiet hallway, but there was none. As the clock struck midnight, he was amazed to see her door open. She checked to make sure no one else was present before taking him by the hand, and pulling him inside.

Noctis had specifically told her he would take her somewhere besides her bedroom so she wouldn’t think he was too forward, but here he was in her personal quarters in the middle of the night, and suddenly he felt his palms start to sweat.

“Noct,” she whispered, still holding his hand. “This is the last time we can see each other in private like this.”

“Then why even let me in?”

“I couldn’t stand the thought of disappointing you.”

“Why not?” he urged, moving closer to her.

“You know why, Noct. It’s the same reason you came to see me.” She was trying to smile, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. 

He gently put his arms around her and held her closely, surprised when she didn’t protest. As she rested her forehead on his, he felt bold enough to ask, “Can I kiss you?”

She nodded ever so slightly, and he joined his lips with hers, relishing every inch of her body so close to his, the sweetness of her lips as they responded to his.

He couldn’t stop the words from spilling out. “I’m in love with you, Luna, and we should be together, no matter what anyone thinks.”

“I have a calling to fulfill as a princess and an Oracle. I can’t do my duty to our people if I stray from this path.”

“Who says you couldn’t marry me _and_ be the Oracle? I’d never stop you from doing what you want, Luna. I sure as hell can’t say the same for Ardyn.”

“Noct, I wish that were true. Although you must never repeat it, I don’t want to marry your brother, but I have no choice. If I could choose...”

She didn’t need to finish the sentence. He kissed her again, willing them both to forget what would happen tomorrow.

She pushed him away, gentle but determined.

“Maybe this was a bad idea,” she whispered, “I thought it would be better if you knew how I feel, but maybe it will only make things more difficult for you.”

“I don’t regret it, Luna. If you change your mind—you can still change your mind, you know—I’ll be waiting for you. Even if you marry him, you can still run away with me whenever you want. I’ll be faithful to you, Luna. I’ll wait for you. I’ll never love anyone else,” he insisted, and his desperation made tears form against his will. It didn’t help that her eyes were glistening too.

“No, Noct,” she shook her head. “You have to find someone else, whoever they choose for you. I’ll be miserable if you don’t. You can’t spend your life pining after me.”

“But I will anyway. What else can I do?” 

“I’m sorry,” she sobbed as she turned away from him.

He considered pulling her close again, demanding her allegiance, breaking down every concern until her reasons meant nothing, but he knew she didn’t want him to, knew she had already decided their fate, so he left quietly, cherishing the warmth of her kiss on his lips. 

The next day at breakfast, Ardyn made a big show of proposing to her (even though the whole thing was ordained anyway and it was totally unnecessary), and she had accepted with an enthusiasm that could’ve convinced anyone who hadn’t looked in her eyes.

His Luna, the love of his life, who would never be his.

He left as soon as he was able, and Ignis followed closely behind, placing a consoling hand on his shoulder.

”I’m so very sorry. I sincerely wish you and Luna were free to forge your own path, but a prince is never truly free, nor is a princess. Life is unfortunately not fair,” Ignis sighed, and Noctis noticed how his eyes instinctively darted to Gladio who stood just by the door.

”No,” Noctis sighed. “You’re right. It’s never fair.”


End file.
